Style and Soul

Coming from UP, sunflowers mean something to us other than just a flower. When it starts growing along university avenue some time in February, it marks the beginning of the end of college for a lot of students. Once it has fully grown, it symbolizes a new chapter in the life of those fresh grads who are zealous to face the real world.

For me, these sunflowers signify that the best is yet to come. This year, I felt ready taking on new challenges. I've finally ventured into film producing by applying to work with Joe Alandy, a young producer who's slowly making his mark in the local indie film scene. Although I have experienced how it was to produce an event such as Bloggers United bazaar, it is by a mile, nothing compared to (creative) producing a film.

Film producing is far more complicated, more cerebral and more consuming.

Currently, I'm working on (under the producing unit) our Cinema One 2013 entry, Shift by Siege Ledesma. According to our timeline, we'll start principal photography by August, to give enough time for post production and marketing before the festival this November (we've been working since June as you can see).

Just when I thought I knew what I was getting into, reality slaps me on the face – it's a totally different ballgame. This isn't my cup of tea and I was thrown way off my comfort zone. I realized I know nothing (but I've been learning).

Since my last entry, I haven't logged in my blogger account and when I tried to do so (just a few minutes ago before writing this), dun dun dun dun... I forgot my password! Honestly, I think I sort of panicked right away because thoughts of possibly not being able to access this blog ever again got into my head (exaggerated paranoia right). Then, it took me a couple more attempts before I finally typed in the correct one. Whew! I let out a big sigh of relief and just laughed at myself (call me crazy, haha). If not for the 150+ comments left unapproved and me almost forgetting my password, I wouldn't realize (that much) how so much time passed me by. With how quick things change these days, a few months is indeed a long time.

As usual, life continues to happen. And with everything I've gone through (a lot actually, or should I say, a looooooooooooooot), considering all my personal experiences as a whole, it's been a little difficult (fine maybe I'm a little lazy too) to sort everything out and share it with you in full account. 

So far, it's been clear to me what I want in my life. In full confidence, I can say that I have found myself and I'm on a roll in chasing after all my goals and dreams. In order for me to keep on moving towards the things that I aspire for and pursue my chosen endeavors, I had to let go of everything that held me back. And by that, I mean, everything that burdened me. Life is indeed one hell of a journey and I don't ever want to slow down or let any excess baggage stand in my way. 

Sorting. Separating. Discarding. Keeping. Leaving. I had to undergo all these in the process of simplifying my life so I could create more space for my growth as a person.

Back when we were kids, various kinds of narratives used to be the source of how we come to distinguish what is right from wrong. These fairy tales, fables, allegories etc. somehow served as the basis on how we conducted ourselves as children.

Pinocchio for one, is the fictional character prone to telling lies and whose tale is being used as an example to kids who are fond of making up stories. His account is considered a classic in children's literature (the derivative version at least) and the moral lesson as always, is that (as we tell the little ones), lying is bad and telling the truth is good -- as easy as that.

However, for most of our lives, we are confined in situations that aren't as simple. As we age, we also come to realize how convoluted life is. In reality, truth is not always virtuous. William Blake (a critical figure in the history of poetry and visual arts in the Romantic Age) said it best, "A truth that's told with malicious intent beats all the lies you can invent."

Aside from some "me" time, sleep is the next thing that I consider most valuable to me right now.

I know, I've already said countless of times how busy life has been for me these past few months. Seriously, I haven't been getting enough hours of sleep because of my projects. Currently, I have on my plate: TV programs, indie films plus other video production projects, styling stints and hosting gigs. Ah, the life of a freelance diva of all media!

However, despite my ultra hectic schedule which left me with almost no time to do anything else (and yes, that somehow includes blogging), some of my friends and workmates wonder how I'm able to jump (or as they say, tumambling, haha) from one project to another without losing my zeal and energy for the things I do. 

Well of course, passion and faith is a major factor that fuels my positive attitude towards work. Nevertheless, nothing beats sleep! I'd like to believe that there's more to a good night's sleep than eight or more hours of bedtime. The most important thing is that you're able to go to bed with a clear conscience -- knowing that you haven't wronged or harbored any ill feelings towards anyone.

To those of you who have been keeping a close eye to what's happening in the fashion blogging circle, you are probably aware that anonymous accounts had been created (at present, a notorious and controversial blog has been recently shut down) to bash other bloggers. To see all of these happening and to hear rumors and accounts circulate like wild fire isn't entertaining at all (for some of you, yeah maybe it is).

When I was younger, I really thought I was going to be a news anchor, reporter or a broadcast journalist right after college. Everything I imagined that I would be five years ago didn't turn out to be who I am now five years after.

Let me tell you, even if this has been my case, I'm glad I didn't become what I wanted to be. Right now, I'm thankful for turning into someone I'm meant to be (I really hope so, haha). 

Well I guess I'm probably not old enough or experienced enough to say this (wait I'm just in my early 20s, haha!) but with everything that has happened to me so far, I've come to realize that the most important thing in life is not necessarily what you want. Most of the time, the things that make you happy are the ones that are truly essential.

It is said that a man will not heal at all... not until he is completely broken.

Upon hearing this line from the movie Grace Card, my life flashed right before me. Right then and there, I fully understood. You see, if you read a lot of my previous personal posts and some from the soul section, you'll notice that most of them were poignant and some of you will see right through -- you can probably tell that I went through something tough these past months.

I may have felt defeated at one point (and I'm sure I'll find myself in a similar situation again someday) but what matters most is that I came out totally fine. The healing process has come full circle.

Hello Anonymous! I would've replied to your comment through the comment box but sadly, due to the length of my reply, I couldn't post it there and so, I'm doing it here.

P.S. I'll also take the opportunity to insert some outfit photos, just to minimize my backlogs, haha.

Let me start with your “If you really want to change, JUST DO IT” line. YOU DON’T KNOW ME -- AT ALL. You don’t know what I’ve done to change and what I’m still doing in my life to keep on changing. ALL OF US (including you) have something in us that we want to change, fix or improve. I'd like to ask you this, nakakasama mo ba ko araw-araw para malaman mo kung nagbago nga ba ako? HINDI. The people who truly know me are the ONLY ones who can "genuinely" tell me what changed or what hasn't and what's left for me to do.

The Topic of People Helping and "Announcing" It in Public 

If you think my first 3 paragraphs are “blah” and annoying, that’s okay. I get you, not everyone’s going to react positively to everything I say. Often, I also find myself really irritated by some people (not all) who keep on posting their charity works online because I also feel like all of those were empty “blahs.” As for me, I’d like to think I wrote those paragraphs with a purpose in mind.  We’ll get to that later. :)

You know, you’re right. In my head, those kind of people (again not all) are “probably” bragging (I left a little room for benefit of the doubt though). I share the same sentiment with Patty Laurel and Ms. Cecile (Chuvaness) because I believe people don’t need to tell other people that they’re helping. Let other people talk about your “good works” or let them find out through some other means but you don’t say (for example) “I just gave alms to a beggar on the way home and it felt good.” Or “Saw an old lady and helped her climb the stairs.” Why even say or post about it? So people will compliment how nice you are to do that? So you will “inspire” other people to do the same? If that’s the case, then you’re just helping for those wrong purposes then. So why do you REALLY help? Is it to help for the sake of helping or just so people will think you are encouraging and inspiring? The way I see things, “helping” is not about feeling good about yourself. It is about helping those in need EVEN IF no one’s looking or no one knows you did it.   

Lately, I hardly share stories on my recent projects and activities not because nothing much has happened in my life. It's actually the opposite. But since I started tweaking the contents of this blog (which all started with this post), a lot of my entries now are usually a personal thing, my ideas, thoughts, and feelings fused with my personal style and fashion interests. I've minimized my blog entries on how "fabulous" my life is - which events I attend, what items I can afford, what work/project/collaboration I'm currently involved in, where I travel and dine or anything that I personally feel is like "I'm showing off" of some sort (again this is about me okay, haha).

All this came to me during a period in my life where I had enough time to reflect. They say an act of kindness is in its purest form when you don't feel the need to be acknowledged for it. When we post on blogs, facebook, instagram and twitter our photos and updates of us doing good deeds, it doesn't seem that genuine right? This "logic" is something I find applicable in my life. For quite a while now, I've been feeling uncomfortable to "announce" whatever it is that I'm doing because a part of me feels that in doing so, I'm subconsciously or consciously "showing off" to people. Aminin. Most of us won't post anything din naman that we're not at the very least proud of diba.

But it's just me. I self-check all the time. "Am I just blogging this because I want to secretly brag that I'm doing this or am I just genuinely sharing? Is this entry self-serving that I'm just too full of myself?" I try to practice discernment and I try to make sense of why I'm blogging. I know, lately I've been saying, "I'm now blogging for myself." If that's the case, why am I still thinking of what I'd be blogging eh para sa sarili ko naman eh? But then, I'd like to think that blogging for one's self doesn't mean being too self-absorbed and not caring about the content of the entry. Maybe you think, the hell, all this talk is just over thinking!! And yeah I admit, I think too much, exag nga haha!

I'm not taking it to the extremes though. Saying this doesn't mean that I'm totally never ever going to blog vain entries. Like what I said, I'm simply minimizing it. Vanity doesn't necessarily equate to conceit and so, occasionally, expect me to still squeeze in a few stories on "what's new" or "how I've been lately" or "what keeps me busy" posts.

So let's cut all my intrapersonal musings to what this post is really about - a styling stint for Solenn Heussaff.

Sometimes I wonder, "How many times should I say 'sorry' for blogging late or not blogging at all?" After much thought, I realized, it's not right to feel the need to apologize if the only reason of doing so is because I hardly update my blog.

Before any judgment on how inconsiderate it is of me to not think about the people who patronize Style and Soul, allow me to clarify what I really mean before I get misinterpreted - again. As much as possible, I try to avoid calling my followers,  my followers because I hate treating them as fans. Read back on my previous entries and I'm sure you'll notice that I like using the term readers because I actually believe that my genuine supporters certainly take time out of their busy schedules to read what I've written and not just browse or look at photos.

Even though I may not be as expressive as I should be, truth is, I really love my readers. Whenever I receive thoughtful comments when I open my laptop once I arrive home from a labor-intensive or stressful project, it puts a smile on my face and pulls my emotional strings (cheesy but sooo true, haha). It feels touching and it makes me more inspired to keep on writing entries where I'm able to share ideas, insights and feelings that may influence beliefs, something they can ponder on, or just anything useful that they can take with them as they live their lives in the real world.
Because my readers mean much to me, I also value their time spent on this blog. Although a few commitments push me to flush out certain posts, generally, I'm not the type of blogger who updates regularly or for more, blog for the sake of blogging. My blogging philosophy tells me to only blog when I really have something to say and not because I want to say something. You get the difference?

Being a freelance events host is one of the things I never thought I'd be right now. It would probably be so difficult to believe that I never hosted any significant college event in the past. One of the things I wish I did in college was to try out for a freshman orientation program (one of the biggest gatherings in UP during my time) or any event that my organizations would set up.

Hosting was something I only did for my classes and the reason why it has become one of the many jobs that I juggle is because it started when my relatives and close friends would ask me to do it as a favor and I just couldn't say no; with all of them assuming I'd pull it off since I took up Broadcast Communication.

And you know what? I'm so glad I was once forced to do it because deep inside I really wanted to. My fear of failure in front of an audience and my own personal insecurities just held me back. Thank God someone gave me one hard push and made me see how stupid it was to second guess myself.
A few days ago, as I was checking out which photos to blog about and found pictures of my hosting stints. I thought to myself, how can I blog about these and my work without sounding like either such a show-off or such a one-note blogger - "Today I did this and that..." "Today I hosted an event and it went like this..." "Today I had a shoot for... and it was so awesome..." Boring right? (no offense meant so don't take anything personally) So we will skip all of that.

A lot of people are afraid to put themselves up a platform - whether its a stage, in front of the camera or a social media account. By exposing one's self to an "audience," people are susceptible to humiliation and judgment; two of the things that a lot of them cannot take. The thing is, all people are gifted. Talents vary from hosting, singing, acting, writing, to several other mind-blowing skills. But of all the talented people in the world, a huge portion of them are really scared to put themselves "out there."

It's the same old problem most of us have. A lot of us are either too shy or too insecure. But believe me, you can and will get past that - the way I managed to.

Click "read more" for full entry

Multiawarded film auteur Mario O'Hara passed away on Tuesday due to complications from leukemia. That day, I received a call from my boyfriend JR, his voice was shaking and eventually he was able to say the one thing I was scared to hear, "Wala na si Tito." 

Not a lot of my friends know this but yes, JR and Direk Mario are related. I don't just look up to the veteran director as a well-respected figure in Philippine cinema. My deep admiration comes from the fact that I was given the opportunity to know him as JR's uncle. I see him during family gatherings and at occasional random weekends when JR and his family would visit his house which is about a 15-minute drive from their home.

When I got the phone call, I could tell JR was holding back his tears. He was the only person there when it happened. JR has been taking care of his Tito and was by his side almost every night. Though I would have wanted to go and be there for him right that minute, JR asked me to wait until the situation was under control. A lot has been going on in the hospital at that time, add to that the press outside clamoring for a scoop.

I followed his request and waited for his text updates instead. Since last month when Direk Mario was first brought to the hospital (and was rushed back this June), I never got the chance to visit no matter how much I force JR to allow me. Their whole family wanted to make things really private. Everything I know about his condition and illness, I really had to keep to myself because the family and most of all, Direk Mario, didn't like media attention.

While everyone was talking about Dolphy's health condition, Direk Mario battled cancer in silence. That's just how he really was. I was quite puzzled why someone working for the entertainment industry would live such a private and quiet life.

A few weeks before turning one year older a month ago, I realized that I don't like throwing a big party - the kind that I used to when I was a kid where a lot of people would come; all my neighbors and classmates, including the ones I'm not really close to.

It's only two days before the exciting Bloggers United Bazaar 3.

I'm such in a rush to post this entry because it has been a busy month for me since I decided to simply put my social media life the least of my concerns in pursuit of personal life endeavors. Contrary to most of the BUB3 participating bloggers, my items are FAR from ready [yet] for the big day.

Anyway, for sure most of you would enjoy the cheap yet stylish items that you'll find in the bazaar. For budget fashionistas, Bloggers United Bazaar 3 is the best place to snag a handful of branded and trendy items (take note: most are pre-owned) where you'll feel every peso that you'll spend is WORTH IT.


HOW TO JOIN:
First 15 people to post this Bloggers United official teaser video to at least three (3) social media accounts (blog sites like tumblr, blogger, wordpress, livejournal, etc, or  facebook / twitter) wins!




Comment below with the following details:
1. Full name
2. Contact number + twitter username (if you have)
3. Links (make sure I can view them) where you posted this video.

Not part of the first 15? Don't worry! Join this giveaway and automatically get 5% off your total when you shop at my booth! Will put all your names in a list. O diba? All are winners!

Promo is open to local residents till June 1, 2012.

Here's a sneak peek of some of the items that I'll sell at the bazaar!

Let the show begin. 

Tonight and tomorrow, Lady Gaga will rock the Mall of Asia concert grounds with her outrageous costumes, grandiose set design, impressive singing, entertaining choreography and let's face it - provocative acts. When all of these take place, the Philippines and some thousands of Filipino audience are said to witness something that will definitely [according to Ruben Abante] "challenge our values and morals as a nation".

Since Friday, a group of Filipino Christians have gone out to the streets in protest of Lady Gaga's concert here in Manila. They complained about her racy lyrics and over-the-top costumes and most of all "blasphemous" and "satanic" views, songs and videos about Jesus Christ. These, they all find offensive in accordance to their faith and beliefs.

The protest has stirred quite a buzz I must say. In a simple social networking site like twitter, almost everyone has been talking about Lady Gaga and the string of controversies that have been following her every where she goes. I even find myself spending my yesterday just reading all articles pertaining to this issue, tracking tweets, re-evaluating her videos on Youtube, watching past interviews and listening to her songs. Guess what? No demon in me has been unleashed!

The month of May is my lucky month, I guess. On second thought, I'd rather not think of it as luck but as a combination of hard work, patience and most of all, God's providence. Of all the many things that I do as a freelancer (production management for film and events, social media work, online PR, writing, hosting, styling, entrepreneurship etc.), one of the things I love most and would really want a career in is hosting.

Finally, I'm fully booked with hosting projects this month. Thank you Lord!!!

Click "Read More" for full blog entry and outfit details

NO LIMITS. This is the premise of having a blog as a personal platform. However, it is strange that such an outlet that supposedly allows the freedom to express, the liberty to be you can be ironically restraining.

Out with the old, in with the new. This was my mantra when I started 2012 with the best intentions, vowing to ditch my old and negative ways in exchange for a better version of myself.

I did some thinking and reflected upon the past month. On one end, I'm more than proud to say that I was able to adhere to three of my new year's resolutions while at the same time, I feel quite sad that I have broken the rest on my list. But since I looked at the glass as half full instead of half empty, I'm still rewarding myself a pat on the back because at the very least, I have kept a few promises that I made to myself.

Hitting that "refresh" button. Moving on. Turning on a new chapter. It all happens everyday.

So leave yesterday behind because here is another beginning. Happy February everyone!

P.S. With the theme in mind as starting new things in life, my friend, DJ Boom of 91.5 just put up his own blog. It'll be about music, the life of a radio DJ and how you can score a career in the radio industry. It's pretty interesting! Let's follow the THE BOOM BOX!