Style and Soul

Coming from UP, sunflowers mean something to us other than just a flower. When it starts growing along university avenue some time in February, it marks the beginning of the end of college for a lot of students. Once it has fully grown, it symbolizes a new chapter in the life of those fresh grads who are zealous to face the real world.

For me, these sunflowers signify that the best is yet to come. This year, I felt ready taking on new challenges. I've finally ventured into film producing by applying to work with Joe Alandy, a young producer who's slowly making his mark in the local indie film scene. Although I have experienced how it was to produce an event such as Bloggers United bazaar, it is by a mile, nothing compared to (creative) producing a film.

Film producing is far more complicated, more cerebral and more consuming.

Currently, I'm working on (under the producing unit) our Cinema One 2013 entry, Shift by Siege Ledesma. According to our timeline, we'll start principal photography by August, to give enough time for post production and marketing before the festival this November (we've been working since June as you can see).

Just when I thought I knew what I was getting into, reality slaps me on the face – it's a totally different ballgame. This isn't my cup of tea and I was thrown way off my comfort zone. I realized I know nothing (but I've been learning).

Since my last entry, I haven't logged in my blogger account and when I tried to do so (just a few minutes ago before writing this), dun dun dun dun... I forgot my password! Honestly, I think I sort of panicked right away because thoughts of possibly not being able to access this blog ever again got into my head (exaggerated paranoia right). Then, it took me a couple more attempts before I finally typed in the correct one. Whew! I let out a big sigh of relief and just laughed at myself (call me crazy, haha). If not for the 150+ comments left unapproved and me almost forgetting my password, I wouldn't realize (that much) how so much time passed me by. With how quick things change these days, a few months is indeed a long time.

As usual, life continues to happen. And with everything I've gone through (a lot actually, or should I say, a looooooooooooooot), considering all my personal experiences as a whole, it's been a little difficult (fine maybe I'm a little lazy too) to sort everything out and share it with you in full account. 

So far, it's been clear to me what I want in my life. In full confidence, I can say that I have found myself and I'm on a roll in chasing after all my goals and dreams. In order for me to keep on moving towards the things that I aspire for and pursue my chosen endeavors, I had to let go of everything that held me back. And by that, I mean, everything that burdened me. Life is indeed one hell of a journey and I don't ever want to slow down or let any excess baggage stand in my way. 

Sorting. Separating. Discarding. Keeping. Leaving. I had to undergo all these in the process of simplifying my life so I could create more space for my growth as a person.

Long time no see, soul mates. You haven't heard from me for almost two months now (!). Just when I was all geared up to write a steady stream of updates, I face a hectic work schedule that made it impossible for me to write anything vaguely interesting or meaningful. Thus, I'm consistently confronted with the choice of leaving you with nothing new to read instead of blah-ging my way into your feeds. 

Again and again, I have always told you how much I worry about blog content that I will not bother posting if there is really nothing much to say (I have twitter or my facebook page for that), which might explain the relative silence on the blog. When your life does not revolve around blogging, it's normal to encounter this ever-present stumbling block to consistently posting.

Technically, I think I have already been a non-blogger since late last year. Since the start of 2013, I have not attended any blogger event or accepted any additional blogging projects (except the existing ones) because I've been too focused on my work. Ditching all those have definitely given me all this extra time to do... even more work (haha, I must be crazy)! Styling for television, and a huge celebrity at that, has been very demanding, not to mention the fact that I've been juggling management jobs for a number of film and video projects altogether.

When I was younger, I really thought I was going to be a news anchor, reporter or a broadcast journalist right after college. Everything I imagined that I would be five years ago didn't turn out to be who I am now five years after.

Let me tell you, even if this has been my case, I'm glad I didn't become what I wanted to be. Right now, I'm thankful for turning into someone I'm meant to be (I really hope so, haha). 

Well I guess I'm probably not old enough or experienced enough to say this (wait I'm just in my early 20s, haha!) but with everything that has happened to me so far, I've come to realize that the most important thing in life is not necessarily what you want. Most of the time, the things that make you happy are the ones that are truly essential.

It is said that a man will not heal at all... not until he is completely broken.

Upon hearing this line from the movie Grace Card, my life flashed right before me. Right then and there, I fully understood. You see, if you read a lot of my previous personal posts and some from the soul section, you'll notice that most of them were poignant and some of you will see right through -- you can probably tell that I went through something tough these past months.

I may have felt defeated at one point (and I'm sure I'll find myself in a similar situation again someday) but what matters most is that I came out totally fine. The healing process has come full circle.

Hello Anonymous! I would've replied to your comment through the comment box but sadly, due to the length of my reply, I couldn't post it there and so, I'm doing it here.

P.S. I'll also take the opportunity to insert some outfit photos, just to minimize my backlogs, haha.

Let me start with your “If you really want to change, JUST DO IT” line. YOU DON’T KNOW ME -- AT ALL. You don’t know what I’ve done to change and what I’m still doing in my life to keep on changing. ALL OF US (including you) have something in us that we want to change, fix or improve. I'd like to ask you this, nakakasama mo ba ko araw-araw para malaman mo kung nagbago nga ba ako? HINDI. The people who truly know me are the ONLY ones who can "genuinely" tell me what changed or what hasn't and what's left for me to do.

The Topic of People Helping and "Announcing" It in Public 

If you think my first 3 paragraphs are “blah” and annoying, that’s okay. I get you, not everyone’s going to react positively to everything I say. Often, I also find myself really irritated by some people (not all) who keep on posting their charity works online because I also feel like all of those were empty “blahs.” As for me, I’d like to think I wrote those paragraphs with a purpose in mind.  We’ll get to that later. :)

You know, you’re right. In my head, those kind of people (again not all) are “probably” bragging (I left a little room for benefit of the doubt though). I share the same sentiment with Patty Laurel and Ms. Cecile (Chuvaness) because I believe people don’t need to tell other people that they’re helping. Let other people talk about your “good works” or let them find out through some other means but you don’t say (for example) “I just gave alms to a beggar on the way home and it felt good.” Or “Saw an old lady and helped her climb the stairs.” Why even say or post about it? So people will compliment how nice you are to do that? So you will “inspire” other people to do the same? If that’s the case, then you’re just helping for those wrong purposes then. So why do you REALLY help? Is it to help for the sake of helping or just so people will think you are encouraging and inspiring? The way I see things, “helping” is not about feeling good about yourself. It is about helping those in need EVEN IF no one’s looking or no one knows you did it.   

Lately, I hardly share stories on my recent projects and activities not because nothing much has happened in my life. It's actually the opposite. But since I started tweaking the contents of this blog (which all started with this post), a lot of my entries now are usually a personal thing, my ideas, thoughts, and feelings fused with my personal style and fashion interests. I've minimized my blog entries on how "fabulous" my life is - which events I attend, what items I can afford, what work/project/collaboration I'm currently involved in, where I travel and dine or anything that I personally feel is like "I'm showing off" of some sort (again this is about me okay, haha).

All this came to me during a period in my life where I had enough time to reflect. They say an act of kindness is in its purest form when you don't feel the need to be acknowledged for it. When we post on blogs, facebook, instagram and twitter our photos and updates of us doing good deeds, it doesn't seem that genuine right? This "logic" is something I find applicable in my life. For quite a while now, I've been feeling uncomfortable to "announce" whatever it is that I'm doing because a part of me feels that in doing so, I'm subconsciously or consciously "showing off" to people. Aminin. Most of us won't post anything din naman that we're not at the very least proud of diba.

But it's just me. I self-check all the time. "Am I just blogging this because I want to secretly brag that I'm doing this or am I just genuinely sharing? Is this entry self-serving that I'm just too full of myself?" I try to practice discernment and I try to make sense of why I'm blogging. I know, lately I've been saying, "I'm now blogging for myself." If that's the case, why am I still thinking of what I'd be blogging eh para sa sarili ko naman eh? But then, I'd like to think that blogging for one's self doesn't mean being too self-absorbed and not caring about the content of the entry. Maybe you think, the hell, all this talk is just over thinking!! And yeah I admit, I think too much, exag nga haha!

I'm not taking it to the extremes though. Saying this doesn't mean that I'm totally never ever going to blog vain entries. Like what I said, I'm simply minimizing it. Vanity doesn't necessarily equate to conceit and so, occasionally, expect me to still squeeze in a few stories on "what's new" or "how I've been lately" or "what keeps me busy" posts.

So let's cut all my intrapersonal musings to what this post is really about - a styling stint for Solenn Heussaff.

Being a freelance events host is one of the things I never thought I'd be right now. It would probably be so difficult to believe that I never hosted any significant college event in the past. One of the things I wish I did in college was to try out for a freshman orientation program (one of the biggest gatherings in UP during my time) or any event that my organizations would set up.

Hosting was something I only did for my classes and the reason why it has become one of the many jobs that I juggle is because it started when my relatives and close friends would ask me to do it as a favor and I just couldn't say no; with all of them assuming I'd pull it off since I took up Broadcast Communication.

And you know what? I'm so glad I was once forced to do it because deep inside I really wanted to. My fear of failure in front of an audience and my own personal insecurities just held me back. Thank God someone gave me one hard push and made me see how stupid it was to second guess myself.
A few days ago, as I was checking out which photos to blog about and found pictures of my hosting stints. I thought to myself, how can I blog about these and my work without sounding like either such a show-off or such a one-note blogger - "Today I did this and that..." "Today I hosted an event and it went like this..." "Today I had a shoot for... and it was so awesome..." Boring right? (no offense meant so don't take anything personally) So we will skip all of that.

A lot of people are afraid to put themselves up a platform - whether its a stage, in front of the camera or a social media account. By exposing one's self to an "audience," people are susceptible to humiliation and judgment; two of the things that a lot of them cannot take. The thing is, all people are gifted. Talents vary from hosting, singing, acting, writing, to several other mind-blowing skills. But of all the talented people in the world, a huge portion of them are really scared to put themselves "out there."

It's the same old problem most of us have. A lot of us are either too shy or too insecure. But believe me, you can and will get past that - the way I managed to.

A few weeks before turning one year older a month ago, I realized that I don't like throwing a big party - the kind that I used to when I was a kid where a lot of people would come; all my neighbors and classmates, including the ones I'm not really close to.

Sometimes, we just really need a break from life.

You agree with me, right? I'm not sure if you remember, but in one of my previous posts, I've shared how unhappy and restless it has been for me to work so hard to make a living and never took the time off to give myself the chance to enjoy and have fun.

Many of my goals and dreams have made me over-schedule my days, rush through my to-do list and keep myself busy 24/7. Imagine, in order for me to realize how valuable it is to simply slow down and live, I had to reach a breaking point and feel miserable about my life. 

As we focus on our ambitions, let's say, starting a business or climbing a corporate ladder or assuming on new responsibilities (like having a baby or something), it's easy to get caught up with all the work. It didn't really occur to me how necessary taking a break is, not until I actually allowed myself to have one.

So ask yourself, when was the last time that you had a break? Last summer? First of all, I'm not talking about a vacation. And second of all, I say, take any form of break (at least one day) every week. Trust me, when you wait for the perfect moment to take one, it never seems to come because there will always be something to do or take care of.

In my case, the best way to rejuvenate and refresh my mind is to take a quick trip out of the metro. Getting away doesn't necessarily mean you really have to go that far. Not a lot of you know this, but I always go to Tagaytay whenever I needed some sort of escape. My boyfriend's family has a second home there along with a few horses (yey for free horseback riding), plus it has a pretty cool weather that we all love, and  it's just more or less a two-hour drive away. 

Since my boyfriend and I have been staying in the same house every time we visit Tagaytay for the past four years of our relationship, we've gotten a little tired of it and figured that it would be good for both of us to check out new accommodations for a change. One of the most perfect spots that we found around the area was Puzzle Mansion Bed and Breakfast.

It's only two days before the exciting Bloggers United Bazaar 3.

I'm such in a rush to post this entry because it has been a busy month for me since I decided to simply put my social media life the least of my concerns in pursuit of personal life endeavors. Contrary to most of the BUB3 participating bloggers, my items are FAR from ready [yet] for the big day.

Anyway, for sure most of you would enjoy the cheap yet stylish items that you'll find in the bazaar. For budget fashionistas, Bloggers United Bazaar 3 is the best place to snag a handful of branded and trendy items (take note: most are pre-owned) where you'll feel every peso that you'll spend is WORTH IT.


HOW TO JOIN:
First 15 people to post this Bloggers United official teaser video to at least three (3) social media accounts (blog sites like tumblr, blogger, wordpress, livejournal, etc, or  facebook / twitter) wins!




Comment below with the following details:
1. Full name
2. Contact number + twitter username (if you have)
3. Links (make sure I can view them) where you posted this video.

Not part of the first 15? Don't worry! Join this giveaway and automatically get 5% off your total when you shop at my booth! Will put all your names in a list. O diba? All are winners!

Promo is open to local residents till June 1, 2012.

Here's a sneak peek of some of the items that I'll sell at the bazaar!

We almost lost our house.

Two weeks ago, I was at an important meeting with my bosses from SM [Kids Fashion] to evaluate the  series of mall shows (that I hosted) for their Crazy for Colors collection (as mentioned here). There were a couple of production and logistical glitches during the Cebu show and the team would like to address certain issues that arose in relation to the remaining events that we'd be having until the end of the month. 

In the middle of the discussion, I got a text message from my sister saying that there was a fire in our village and that even though our house wasn't on fire [yet], the blaze was huge and would probably catch ours eventually. I didn't really want to bother my bosses about my own personal problems. Good thing, as I was about to tell them, call it divine intervention but the meeting was dismissed earlier than expected. I headed home as fast as I could and upon arriving, I saw that all the roads were blocked by fire trucks and our neighbors were running around while some gathered in a crowd, weeping for their burning homes.

The month of May is my lucky month, I guess. On second thought, I'd rather not think of it as luck but as a combination of hard work, patience and most of all, God's providence. Of all the many things that I do as a freelancer (production management for film and events, social media work, online PR, writing, hosting, styling, entrepreneurship etc.), one of the things I love most and would really want a career in is hosting.

Finally, I'm fully booked with hosting projects this month. Thank you Lord!!!

Click "Read More" for full blog entry and outfit details

NO LIMITS. This is the premise of having a blog as a personal platform. However, it is strange that such an outlet that supposedly allows the freedom to express, the liberty to be you can be ironically restraining.

Out with the old, in with the new. This was my mantra when I started 2012 with the best intentions, vowing to ditch my old and negative ways in exchange for a better version of myself.

I did some thinking and reflected upon the past month. On one end, I'm more than proud to say that I was able to adhere to three of my new year's resolutions while at the same time, I feel quite sad that I have broken the rest on my list. But since I looked at the glass as half full instead of half empty, I'm still rewarding myself a pat on the back because at the very least, I have kept a few promises that I made to myself.

Hitting that "refresh" button. Moving on. Turning on a new chapter. It all happens everyday.

So leave yesterday behind because here is another beginning. Happy February everyone!

P.S. With the theme in mind as starting new things in life, my friend, DJ Boom of 91.5 just put up his own blog. It'll be about music, the life of a radio DJ and how you can score a career in the radio industry. It's pretty interesting! Let's follow the THE BOOM BOX!

Top Bossini | Floral shorts F-STOP (Fashion Stop) SHOP VINTAGE | Bag courtesy of Tomato
Hat SM Dept. Store | Boots Timberland

In blogging, if there’s one thing I learned about taking a break, though it’s really important to have one every once in a while, I don’t recommend having too much of it.

When I took a blogging hiatus last May, my reason then was I needed to focus all my energy in ensuring the success of Bloggers United Bazaar (BUB). The tedious task of organizing an event had me burnt out, exhausted and uninspired to blog. But right after, instead of going back to my regular blogging routine, I've slipped back, unexcited to put my thoughts and experiences to words and have been really lazy to dress up.

After BUB, I still have a lot of things to do. However, being busy isn't a valid excuse anymore. I realized that I would always be busy no matter what. After one project, I would have another, and another one next to that. (How come Chuvaness blogs almost every day despite her busy sched? haha.)

This absence of motivation had me wondering. Has blogging become insignificant in my life now? It seems that way but I would like to believe that it's not. After all, I met a lot of lovely (from the inside) people in the blogging community and it has brought me countless blessings disguised as opportunities that I would be forever thankful for.

Have I lost the momentum? Probably. Or maybe it's cognitive dissonance; I don't know.

Style and Soul was born out of my love to discuss matters of my soul which are occasionally political, social and mostly personal and emotional while sharing my fondness for shopping and dressing up on a budget. Style and Soul wanted to say that not everything is and should be about fashion. However, today, the practice has been contradicting to this blog's initial mission. I have allotted a large chunk of it talking about clothes, shoes, cosmetics, brands and events instead of telling my thoughts on RH & Divorce Bill, the status of the decade-pending cases like the Vizconde massacre and Dacer-Corbito murder case, the flash flood that happened in Davao, the high inflation rate at present (despite the lack of salary increase), and so on, so forth.

For someone who keeps a style blog with sporadic advertorial, who's just in her first year of doing so, I feel extremely weird to be feeling this way (as early as this). Bloggers that I look up to have been in the community for years before having this kind of sentiment. I just sense an odd pressure to keep up with everybody's fashion posts, the same way I've been stressing myself on writing something that I think would contribute to my readers' awareness of social issues - putting me under unwanted self crisis and anxiety.

After this personal "check and balance," I still wouldn't be able to guarantee that I would not fall back to what the others usually do. As much as I love fashion, I guess I will always strive to find meaning in life, keep myself conscious and aware and let the person in me grow just so I'd lessen this feeling of remorse over my superficial and materialistic facet.

P.S. I missed you guys! I really do! :)

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Dress and hat F-STOP (Fashion Stop) SHOP VINTAGE | Belt Thrifted | Boots Thrifted

This announcement is a month-old late. I know, all the excitement about my blog anniversary giveaway has died down and I apologize to all my readers who waited patiently and enthusiastically to find out who my winners are.

Before I declare the lucky chosen three, I would like explain why I took a month-long break. As much as I hate to be defensive, I can't help it since I've gotten touching mails from readers who really missed me and my blogging. Honestly, the choice was really difficult for me to make but it was the most sensible thing to do because all the stress and pressure that I've undergone from organizing the recently concluded Bloggers United Bazaar (BUB) had me burnt out, exhausted and uninspired to blog.

Since I value quality over quantity and ratings, I would definitely feel guilty and unsatisfied if I blog about style but without the soul that I usually put in my entries. Style and Soul has always aspired to make a difference and that's not going to happen if I sacrifice the standard of writing that I've always set for myself.

For the month of May, I've set my priorities straight and that was to focus and dedicate myself to working my ass off just to make sure that we don't screw up BUB. We are only three in our team (with Aisa and Ana) and we had to get the job done as if we were 10 in the group. It was a make or break moment, since there was a lot of hype about the event, many were counting on it, it was a trending topic on twitter and the expectations that we had to meet are as high as the sky.
After the event's huge success, after all the compliments and kind words, I really feel blessed and thankful to the Lord and to all our supporters for making our own sacrifices and hard work all worth it. We're now reaping the fruits of our labor and I'm just thankful that we managed to survive our first-ever experience of producing an event.

Again, thank you to all my supportive, loyal, patient and understanding readers and F-STOP clients. I've lost touch and lacked updates; I know, I know. But I really plan on making up for it. I don't want to promise anything but I want to give back to everyone who has always been there for Style and Soul.

Thank you for all the love despite the long wait and I welcome you guys back to the blog that you've always loved. I love you all!

And now, for the giveaway winners:

By faith, not by deeds
A Holy Week special by Style and Soul

"By this grace, you are saved through faith, a not of you; it is the gift of God, not of works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8

For most of us, Lent is commemorated by visiting several churches, reciting novenas, requiring ourselves not to eat meat or fast for a couple of days and even resorting to doing even the most unthinkable or gregarious "panata" (oath, vow, devotion).
All these acts in lieu of tradition to venerate the greatest story of sacrifice - the exchange of One's divine life for humanity. There is no greater love for man, than God's offering of His son, Jesus Christ to accept pain and suffering and die on the cross to save us from sins. This choice has been made out of love. And even though love is universal to man, the kind of love the Lord has for His people is beyond imagination.
The opening verse of this entry taken from the book of Ephesians reminds us that by His sacrifice and grace, we are saved through our faith. His overwhelming love and the significance of His sacrifice doesn't require much from us. All we need to do is believe, have faith (let's not talk about religion) and develop a deep personal relationship with Him.

Why not by deeds? Because we tend to count what we have "done". God doesn't want us to be like the Pharasees in the Bible who were proud of their so-called righteousness. Doing good, what is right and all the other "panata" isn't because (in our heads) we want to go to heaven after we die. Acts of goodness come out naturally in a man as manifestation of his faith and relationship with the Lord, not because of humane intentions.

Lenten season is the perfect opportunity for us to work on our faith and build a spiritual life closer to God. It is a time to let go of life's stresses and reflect in stillness, to be alone and engage in private conversation with Him and just let it all out. Apart from venting out our woes, we should learn to listen to what He has to say, for us to get to know Him more, know Him better. A prayer is the perfect moment to let go and let God.
(30)

Cut-out heels courtesy of Trunk Show | Neon tank top Greenhills | Washed pants Thrifted
Long cover-up Vivienne Westwood | Leopard bag Thrifted | Accessories Random

We all wanted to be a better version of ourselves. On my part, I'm not aiming to be perfect. I lived most of my life trying and it never worked for me. It just got... well frustrating (what else, haha). If you think about it, the more we force ourselves to meet the standards of other people, to have them look at us the way we want them to, the more disappointed we get.

I give up on being a perfectionist because I wanted to open myself up to the idea of personal growth without sacrificing excellence. Everyday, I just consciously struggle to be a better person. More patience, more understanding, more kindness and humility - a few of the things I always pray for.

Usually, when things don't go my way, I would feel defeated. These past few days, I have reasons to feel so down - a major company raket was cancelled, I had to refund around P10,000 worth of out of stock Asian Fashion shoes and apparels, the increasing number of bogus buyers shopping in F-STOP lately, the stress and challenges of a project we're cooking up, plus life, family and personal feats. It's valid to be upset (right?). But I'm happy that I didn't let it get to me. I learned to let go and stayed composed instead of usually being sooo stressed out.

God is really helping me take that step to becoming a better version of me. I'd definitely keep on walking forward. As of now, I stay positive! Expect loads of freebies for my blog anniversary giveaway this April, a surprise event you wouldn't want to miss and (hopefully) regular blog posts from me, haha.

Before I leave, one question: What has changed in you that made you feel like you've become a better person this year?