An Open Letter

3:07 PM

Hello Anonymous! I would've replied to your comment through the comment box but sadly, due to the length of my reply, I couldn't post it there and so, I'm doing it here.

P.S. I'll also take the opportunity to insert some outfit photos, just to minimize my backlogs, haha.

Let me start with your “If you really want to change, JUST DO IT” line. YOU DON’T KNOW ME -- AT ALL. You don’t know what I’ve done to change and what I’m still doing in my life to keep on changing. ALL OF US (including you) have something in us that we want to change, fix or improve. I'd like to ask you this, nakakasama mo ba ko araw-araw para malaman mo kung nagbago nga ba ako? HINDI. The people who truly know me are the ONLY ones who can "genuinely" tell me what changed or what hasn't and what's left for me to do.


The Topic of People Helping and "Announcing" It in Public 
If you think my first 3 paragraphs are “blah” and annoying, that’s okay. I get you, not everyone’s going to react positively to everything I say. Often, I also find myself really irritated by some people (not all) who keep on posting their charity works online because I also feel like all of those were empty “blahs.” As for me, I’d like to think I wrote those paragraphs with a purpose in mind.  We’ll get to that later. :)

You know, you’re right. In my head, those kind of people (again not all) are “probably” bragging (I left a little room for benefit of the doubt though). I share the same sentiment with Patty Laurel and Ms. Cecile (Chuvaness) because I believe people don’t need to tell other people that they’re helping. Let other people talk about your “good works” or let them find out through some other means but you don’t say (for example) “I just gave alms to a beggar on the way home and it felt good.” Or “Saw an old lady and helped her climb the stairs.” Why even say or post about it? So people will compliment how nice you are to do that? So you will “inspire” other people to do the same? If that’s the case, then you’re just helping for those wrong purposes then. So why do you REALLY help? Is it to help for the sake of helping or just so people will think you are encouraging and inspiring? The way I see things, “helping” is not about feeling good about yourself. It is about helping those in need EVEN IF no one’s looking or no one knows you did it.   


On Being Self-conscious
If I'm so self conscious (I am on a certain level, but if I'm too much of that which is I'm not) why would I even let you guys (or my readers) in on what's in my head? Why would I even say it out loud? Everything stated here are thoughts put on writing. Yes, "this" or "that" is what I think. And I know very well not a lot of people will like what I think or say, not everyone's going to be pleased, not everyone will agree and I may even gain hate. So why am I saying all that if I'm just digging my own grave? It's because this is my blog and I'm entitled to express the way a lot of other people blatantly or implicitly have their own "say" about a lot of different things in this world. 

If I’m so self-conscious, I should be blogging everything that will help me gain people's favor or "love", right? But the thing is, I'm not like that and I won't pretend to be like that. I will blog it even if not everyone's going to be happy about it because I dare to do it. I'm opinionated, I'm expressive, I talk a lot (and long), I criticize when I feel the need for it and I judge at times  -- JUST LIKE EVERY ONE ELSE. I'm just vocal and others are not, and that's where I differ. In the past, a few other people had issues with the way I blog, and yes, I do lose subscribers from time to time. But I firmly believe it’s better this way, rather than to keep readers pleased by being someone I’m not. 


On Dragging Bloggers United
What do you mean by what happened in BU? Whatever issue it is you’re trying to fish out, I’m stopping you right there because you’re crossing the line by involving people I care about.


Not Going Anywhere
You advised me to leave blogging for a while. Actually, my readers know that I already left for quite some time to collect myself after going through a tough time in my life, hoping that certain life problems would die down. Upon returning, I was greeted with coldness. I figured I was already judged even before I could say anything so I did what I think is the right thing which is to say nothing to anyone. I even dismissed the feeling that I get of being left out because I have moved on and things have never been so great in my life right now.

I’ve been asked so, so, so, many times why I went out of the loop and I would usually reply that I was busy with a lot of other things (which is not an alibi, since I was really busy). Looking back, maybe I was wrong for partly lying but it was the best thing to do.

I was very NAIVE to think that certain things that involve me would remain PRIVATE (because it is a personal matter) and sadly, details have been shared to other people who aren’t involved. And since these people aren’t involved, all they can really do is judge (right?). I’ve made mistakes, we all do. I’ve been wrong a few times too, and to other people’s pleasure, I have already suffered and dealt with enough consequences. I never went out of my way to hurt or get back at anyone, or so what do I feel like I’ve done so. You know NOTHING. No one talked to me about it, no one asked me personally about what I’ve gone through and again, to the haters who have expressed their hate or to those who have talked about me behind my back, I never really took the chance to defend myself (even I could’ve easily done so) because I chose to take what I thought was the higher road. 

I ask you this, why do you judge me like you know what you think you know? Because “someone” told you? You should be smart enough to know that even though it’s unavoidable to believe or even assume based on half of the story (I know this since in the past, I admit, I have also made that same mistake of judging other people based on someone’s stories without really getting to know the person) but at least be critical enough about the other half you know nothing about. 

If you think I'm not being genuine, that's fine. I also don't think other people in this world are. And you are wrong the way I could also be wrong about other people. I always speak my mind and I don’t build or maintain an “image.” You said, it’s normal to “show off” since I’m a fashion blogger. The thing is, I’m not just like any other fashion blogger (but honestly the politically correct term here is “personal style” blogger). I’m MORE than that and that’s why I try to defy that stereotype.


On "Not Hating"
Lastly, you told me that what you’ve written isn’t a "hate" comment. Then what made you write such a long comment? And why be anonymous? I honestly feel there’s a little bit of hate in it. When you said I contradict myself when I blog, then aren’t you contradicting yourself too (by saying it’s not "hate" when there's a hint of it)? I’m not being negative. My point is, people really contradict their own selves at certain situations. It’s natural and it's something "similar" to what they call cognitive dissonance. 

You're not just some random anonymous person. From the way you talk, we probably know each other in real life (although honestly I have no clue as to who you are, haha). We may not be friends but if you truly mean well, like you say you've wanted to be constructive instead, then you could’ve sent me a personal message (I get a lot of that) and we could’ve talked about it personally. Instead, you put this comment that seemed like a part of a test (if I would censor and not publish it),  so you could “expose” me and force me to have an exchange like this in public. If your comment was meant to “help” me in some way, then I am open (always have been) to talk about things in private (again private, no spilling of details to other people) or even face to face.

Every single time I speak what’s on my mind, I always have to muster all the courage in me to press that publish button. Not a lot of people would do that (even though they really want to say something for the longest time), to be this candid and open because they play it safe or they’re fearful of what other people would take from it (it’s NOT wrong okay, kasi choice nila yun).  But me, I let my guard down and everyone knows that it's me writing. I write for the whole world to judge or hate, and criticize or even praise (and that’s my decision). Comments like this one from you, is something I find really cowardly because you're hiding behind "anonymous".  Despite that, this comment is still well appreciated. This is your opinion and I respect that you are entitled to say what you want.

You're free to comment again and I'm here to reply back. But if you “genuinely and wholeheartedly” would want to help like you say you do, send me a personal message (melanie_entuna@yahoo.com) and let's just keep it between us.

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3 comments

  1. Clap, clap Melai! Very well said. I admire you for having the courage to take on this kind of negativity. I, for one, would be hesitant in even publishing the comment in the first place.

    It's been so long since I last visited your blog and reading this, reminded me why I enjoyed reading your posts before :)

    Always stay positive! Hope this thing with Mr/Ms Anonymous gets settled soon.

    Hearts,
    Ninin

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ninin!!! Thank you so, so much :) I figured, no one would probably comment in this post kasi ang "heavy" niya. Hahaha. And yes, I was hesitant to publish it, haha. But I went for it because I want to prove the commenter wrong. I'm not hiding anything and I'm not ashamed of anything.

      Like Demi Lovato's song (I'll sing in my head):
      "This is real, this me... I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be...
      Now I found who I am, there's no way to hold it in...
      No more hiding who I want to be... this meeeeeeeee"

      Charot!

      Haha, thanks Ninin! It's okay if you haven't been here in a while. You didn't miss much naman, I was like a mushroom. Pasulpot-sulpot lang! Haha :) Pero drop by ka na lagi para masaya. :) Yes I'll try to stay positive. You too! :)

      Delete
  2. I don't know what the anonymous comment was but I follow and read your blog because I like how you speak your mind. It inspires/enlightens one way or the other and not all the blogs I come across with give that. More power and nice outfit btw :)

    ReplyDelete

I appreciate anything you have to say. Thanks for dropping by. It means so much to me. Love, Melai

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