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Necklace, Built to Wear
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The month of May is my lucky month, I guess. On second thought, I'd rather not think of it as luck but as a combination of hard work, patience and most of all, God's providence. Of all the many things that I do as a freelancer (production management for film and events, social media work, online PR, writing, hosting, styling, entrepreneurship etc.), one of the things I love most and would really want a career in is hosting.
With all the promising aspiring hosts and another breed of mass communication graduates, I'm not really sure if I can rise above the rest. It's not easy getting the "break" that I've been praying for. Apart from that, the past couple of months had been rough on me too, emotionally speaking.
During that difficult time, I was literally on the verge of leaving everything that I have now in pursuit of peace. I was on a phase where I wake up each day with feelings of melancholy. I know it's wrong to question the Lord's intentions but I couldn't help but ask, "How long do I have to carry a certain burden in my heart?"
Rings, random | Friendship bracelets, Tomato | Color cuffs w/ gold studs, Mauve | Orange thin bracelets, Gifts Ahoy
Blazer, thrifted | Pastel sheer top c/o SM Dept. Store | Scallop shorts, Landmark | High-cut sneaks, Adidas
Waiting for that time to come was consuming but it has ironically made it easier for me to cope up as well. Little by little, it seemed exhausting to think about other people, felt painful to care too much and got disheartening to keep on praying for things to be genuinely okay.
One of the best realizations that I had in my life is to just, "Let go and let God." I know, you must be tired of hearing this from me over and over, since I just said this in my previous entries and wall posts as well. But believe me, make it your mantra and all the problems and trials that you seem to have will feel so much lighter - the same way it has made mine. It's one of those favorite quotes that I always tell myself to keep me going.
Reading Roma's blog has reinforced this outlook. Her entries never fail to fill me with so much spiritual inspiration. She resigned from what-used-to-be my dream job because it made her unhappy. Though being a full-time entrepreneur was such a struggle for her, she continues on her path because she believes, "God will provide (Phil 4:19)."
In my case, people usually think it's easy to do freelance. Honestly, it's not. Yes I don't have a boss, I have my own time in my hands and I get to do whatever I want. However, there's a down side. Stability is indeed elusive and I always have to be up on my feet to grab every opportunity that comes my way.
When the time came that I needed to prove myself to possible employers, yes I've seized the day. I showed them that I am the best person for the job and the next thing I know, I'll be hosting a series of shows for a mall's kids summer campaign. I've been busy with micro projects on the side but now, I have no time in my hands at all (but in a good way)! Even though I'm currently dealing with personal feelings and heartbreaks, God proves that when He closes doors, He opens new ones.
As cliche' as this may sound, life just really has its share of ups and downs. There were instances in the past where I've been overwhelmed with so much blessings and recently, certain upsetting situations arose. It's always going to be like this as long as we live. God will always give us tests but will also provide answers. Right now, if you are at a place where you feel like nothing is happening in your life, if you seem so lost without direction, or para bang sunod-sunod lang ang problema, "Don't give up. The beginning is always the hardest."
As young as I am now, I've learned that tough times never last, but tough people do. So stay strong!